


Shots in the Dark (and Other Balderdash)

by Thats_A_Dassie



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Crack, Drabbles, HELP ME I CAN’T WRITE, Humor, I DON’T FRICKING KNOW OKAY, I honestly don’t know I just blindly leapt into this, Idk the pearlnet is borderline I ship it more platonically, Multi, No Plot/Plotless, No seriously I don’t know, OCs - Freeform, Shipping, oneshots, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-18 03:54:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17573384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thats_A_Dassie/pseuds/Thats_A_Dassie
Summary: Hey, what’s up? It’s your favorite memelord, Hyrax, with more random writing crud no one asked for! Expect crack and me being very passionate about all the wrong things. If the title didn’t scare you off already, the writing will!





	1. Chapter 1

Hey, y’all. It be Hyrax up in here.

Let me just give it to you honestly (I was gonna say straight but no haha): I am a  _ very  _ wishy-washy author. Even when I actually get the motivation to start a story, I give up in the middle and it turns out shoddy. And even when I think I’ve put in my best effort, the story is waaaaaaay too short to be enjoyable to read.

But I really want to try on this site. I gave up on Wattpad because of how cringy and money-sucky it was, So here’s what I’m gonna do.

I’m going to live off of crack fics and shower thoughts. Cheap, I know, but I have spontaneous ideas, and sometimes when I branch off of them, I get nice little tidbits of writing. Like that psychic one I just did of Sunstoan.

_ Tidbits _ , I said, though, not a full-fledged smorgasbord. So I’m collecting them here, and maybe in the end it will be big enough to count as like, a compilation or whatever. There are a few (I lied) more things I need to tell you though before I launch you into the garbage dump as well:

There’s gonna be super inconsistent updates because I’m lazy as frick and have the attention span of a Jack Russell terrier.

Be warned that I’m a meme-craving member of generation Z and most of the stuff I write here I just pull out of my a — I mean, brain. The day version of a night blogger. The female, Chinese version of a Chad. (A Leslie?) I talk super chill slang on fire, bruh. Lit. And I come up with a lot of stuff by myself SO GIVE ME CREDIT FOR THAT GUYS I’M SUPER ORIGINAL. I’M NEW SO KUDOS AND COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED, THANKS. You  _ can _ request something in the comments if you want, but it’s not a promise that I’ll include it because like I said, I’m lazy as frick. I only do canon ships, FYI.

I’m too scared to use real swear words. I don’t know why.

Don’t expect quality, refined literature here. I’m a funny weird person. I think. Anyway, I’ll give you a heads-up if it’s serious.

I have an unhealthy obsession with Garnet. I’ll be seeing my fictional relationship counselor this Saturday, so that’s a nudge in the right direction.

Posting chapters is odd here and you guys are pretty professional about it, so I’ll try to make my chapters longer than just two sentences. I’ll group stuff together to make chapters longer, and each part of the chapter will be separated by a space or some symbols.

That’s all. Enjoy my delicious opinions™️ (fresh-picked from the mind).


	2. Serious Warning (Kind Of?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> suffering from vine withdrawal

Um, all right.

I tried to warn you about my shoddy schedule. I can write for a long sitting; I just need a good kick.

I have no idea how to transition into the shots so…

(WINDOWS START-UP NOISE)

 

+++

 

I think I’m a masochist. At least when it comes to fanfiction. 

I enjoy a good cry over some fictional beef. I love stories that have major character death and grieving in them. I write sad fanfiction in my head before I fall asleep. And I have this specific feeling while reading angst or seeing something sad. It’s like tingling in the palms of my hands. It’s like a fetish, but without the fetish part.

Yes. I know I have issues.

When there isn’t enough suffering to keep me sustained, I make it myself. And my stupid brain decides to hit me with feels and half-baked fic ideas all the time, so I make do. Have some examples (use them if you want, I’ll never get around to actually making them real):

  1. Garnet realizes Cat Steven can’t walk anymore and has to learn about what it means to put an animal to sleep. There was lots of detail here. I think I wrote it in my head in the perspective of the vet. The vet was all, “So there was this seven-foot-tall LEGO lady in my examination room with her lesbian family carrying this adorable old calico. I always feel bad about this procedure, even if I don’t know the owners at all. Blah blah blah…the cat had a funny name….I injected her with death juice….I asked if she was going to be cremated and explained what _that_ meant while LEGO lady stood there in horror and then calmed down and agreed after the guy told her it was a normal human thing...wait, she’s not human…? What the — Anyway, they all left after she died and everyone seemed to be holding up well.” Afterwards I think there was a perspective switch, but you don’t need to hear about that.
  2. The Gems find out that Steven can still die of old age. So he does, his gem pops off, and Pink Steven forms. He tells the Gems he can’t truly be Steven or last long without his human half. He manages to get some nice sad monologue in there before he disappears. Then Steven is actually dead. (Bonus scenes include Connie’s death beforehand and their daughter’s death afterward.) Everyone is depressed. Cue the tears. 
  3. Alternate ending to Coach Steven where Sugilite poofs Pearl. And since Steven didn’t know worth a damn about the Gems back then, he thinks Sugilite killed Pearl and runs off hysterically holding Pearl’s gem, which finally makes Sugilite realize that she’s been a bee-atch and unfuse. So now Garnet and Amethyst are screwed. Don’t worry, somewhere along the way Pearl forgives them and Steven does too, because he can’t stay mad at the Gems for that long, but not without a bunch of awkward conversations.
  4. Alternate ending to Sworn to the Sword. You know how it is. Connie gets stabbed by holo-Pearl and bleeds to death, Steven almost frickin’ commits suicide, Pearl manages a (surprisingly) decent apology after more of that good angst, Priyanka chucks a medical book at Pearl’s head and threatens to throttle her.
  5. Alternate ending to Joy Ride: Garnet launches Steven through the atmosphere. Buh-bye Steven. 
  6. Aftermath of Garnet getting assaulted by the smashed-together corpse bits of her old friends. Garnet PTSD is serious PTSD, y’all. 
  7. Rose lied about Bismuth, but Garnet and Pearl don’t know that. So there’s loads of Bismuth cutscenes and memories and crap. When Garnet and Pearl actually meet with each other, they just collapse into heaps of grief. Pearlnet under duress, basically. Do they fuse? Who the heck knows?!
  8. Pearl post-Rose depression compilation, a good while after her death. Even Amethyst is fed up with Pearl’s shenanigans. Resent reserved for toddler Steven. Garnet basically dragging Pearl out of Vidalia’s house because she’s so flipping _done_. “This is not about Rose. It’s about _Steven_ , Pearl. We put him first and have to make sacrifices for him and I wish you’d bloody _understand_ that!” Sad Pearl. #Hurt/Comfort. Boo-hoo.
  9. Blue, Yellow and White grieve over Pink. Yellow probably punches their entire planet in half. White bleaches Pink’s pearl. Blue just cries for milennia. 



 

+++

 

I probably have more, but I can’t think of them at the moment. That’s for another chapter, I guess. MAKE SURE TO gIvE KuDoS anD CoMmeNt! I’M sO LoNeLY...

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, so if you’d like to request, comment.


End file.
